Sven
by Raderle
Summary: What do we really know about how Deeks comes up with his aliases? Here's my take on how he came up with Sven.
1. Chapter 1:The Fabulous Sven

This story has been percolating in my mind since I saw the episode where ECO channeled the alias Sven, and I decided to have some fun with it along with a lot of angst. There will parts of the episode included, but this will not be a recap. I have already completed the story and expect to update it every couple of days. I don't own NCIS Los Angeles, but my minions and I brought the characters out to play with again. I still don't have a beta so all errors are mine and mine alone. As usual, thoughts or memories are in italics.

Anything in bold letters are actual quotes from the NCIS LA episode Allegiance.

Reviews are welcome.

Enjoy.

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CHAPTER 1: The Fabulous Sven

Callen, Sam and Deeks were in the middle of a case involving murder and Hawala, an ancient system of anonymous money lending. They were investigating a broker with possible ties to terrorist activities. They had been sitting in a car watching an Afghani rug store for some time. After discussing how they were going to get the information they needed and hearing from Nell and Eric that about the time the store had set up the Hawala system, terrorist activities had begun in the United States, Callen indicated **"We need to get inside and confirm."**

The smiling voice of Deeks came from the backseat **"Well, then I think it's time for Sven, fabulous interior decorator to the stars." **He was going to have some fun with Sam being his Sven alias. Sam wouldn't know what hit him.

They walked toward the store, and Sam's eyes were almost bugging out as he watched and listened to Deeks' walk, attitude and vocal performance. He had draped his sweater over his shoulders and was loping along with his arms resting at the top of his hips. Deeks noticed Sam's discomfort, and said in Sven's voice "Snap out of it Shy Sammie. You keep looking at me like that and the store owner is going to think you want to jump these fabulous bones".

"Deeks…" Sam growled. "Don't even go there."

"Why Sam, because you're a former Navy Seal? Deeks came back in his own voice. "The man who helped me with this alias the first time I used it was gay and former Special Ops, an Army Ranger if you must know." A quick flash of memory regarding the undercover operation he had been part of as Sven for LAPD darkened his mood momentarily. He quickly shook his head to banish the memory and continued toward the store.

Sam just sputtered and didn't know what to say to that tidbit of information. Once Deeks banished thoughts of Brian, he turned away from Sam to keep himself from laughing out loud at his discomfort and continued walking toward the store. He hadn't seen Sam this uncomfortable in a long time and it was really amusing him and helping him regain his good mood. As they approached the door to the rug store, he whispered to Sam "Get your game face on Sam, remember, you hired me to help you decorate your club…and I'm fabulous!"

~,~,~

Once inside the store, Deeks continued in character. After looking around, waving his arms at the various rugs and getting the attention of the store's owner, Sven said **"Okay, bring on ze wonderful, ja? Uh, look here." **as he began looking at the rugs and commenting on colors and sizes.

Sam played along while trying to keep from shaking his head at Deeks antics. Sven asked Sam for his opinion on the colors in one rug and Sam indicated he didn't like the colors. Sven shot back **"Oh, ja, but I've always told you, you can't be afraid of ze color." **

Sam replied in character **"Color's the last thing I'm scared of."**

Sven looked at the owner and continued **"I've always said this to him. You can't be scared of ze color."**

Sam couldn't believe what he was seeing and hearing. Deeks was almost unrecognizable as Sven. Not for the first time, Sam wondered just how he came up with his aliases. He wasn't sure he believed what Deeks had told him earlier about the Army Ranger helping him. He couldn't quite get his head around the fact that a Ranger could also be gay. He didn't have anything against gays, but he was having some trouble equating an Army Ranger with being gay and wondered if Deeks was just pulling his leg.

Continuing the charade, Sven pointed out to Sam **"Well, you don't want to be ze boring beige boy, now, do you, Chad, hmm? Maybe. No, come on, no one wants to be ze boring beige boy." **Deeks was enjoying giving Sam a hard time as Sven and was really hamming it up. He could tell Sam was having trouble trying to hold it together.

Sven continued **"Yeah, but you don't want to be the drab Danny, or ze gray Gary. Remember, Chad, you hired me to make you fabulous."**

Sven walked over to some other rugs and began admiring them. He started taking pictures of the rugs as cover for getting a picture of a young man coming out of the back room of the store. He got the shot and sent it to the wonder twins. He continued **"Ze blues are so pretty over here. Zey match my eyes."**

Nell was heard over coms giving Deeks the young man's name. **"He's the owners son, His name is Ehsan."** Noticing the young man had a gun on him along with a bag, Deeks spoke quietly over coms **"He's heading out the side door, and he's got a gun."**

Callen spoke up from the car for Sam and Deeks to stay with him and they would apprehend him away from the store.

Ehsan had been apprehended and taken to the boat shed, where it was discovered that he wasn't involved in any terrorist activities. Deciding to partner him up with Deeks to check out a charity event that might give them additional information on the men they were looking for, Hetty dressed both men up in tasteful suits. Callen followed them in undercover as a doctor. At the charity event everything seemed to be going fine until the organizer of the fundraiser confronted Deeks and Ehsan.

"**You've been flagged by security. I don't take kindly to paparazzi crashing my fundraisers" **Ms. Chang stated. She went on to state their names had been added to the guest list at the last minute after Deeks tried to convince her she had made a mistake. **"That's a red flag. Now, are you going to leave, or am I going to have to make you leave?" **She began to wave over security to escort them out.

Ehsan saved the situation by telling a story about his little sister being saved by a medical clinic supported by the charity and they were able to remain. They even received an apology from Ms. Chang. Ehsan was able to identify a man who came in regularly to the shop to use him as a broker for a Hawala transfer. After an identification was obtained from OPS, Callen took him out and they escorted him to the boat shed.

~,~,~

That evening, all parties found themselves at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium for a naturalization ceremony after Nell and the team in Afghanistan realized that money had been flowing into the U.S. from Afghanistan for a while and had recently stopped. The theory was that an operation was going to take place in the U.S. in the near future. After more digging a conclusion was reached that the naturalization ceremony was the intended target and Ehsan would be needed to identify the potential bombers. He was able to identify one man and plans were made for Sam to take him out with Callen acting as over-watch before anything could happen. Ehsan was thanked and told to leave, but before he could do so, he saw a woman that usually accompanied the man whenever he visited the store. He told the team and Deeks followed the woman. When all was said and done, Deeks wound up holding down the woman's deadman switch and screaming for Callen not to worry about him and take the shot. Callen took the shot and then screamed **"Deeks?"**

"**Aside from a bullet whizzing six inches from my head, I'm fantastic."** he snapped as he lay there with his hands around the woman's deadman switch. Callen had been able to take out the bombers without injuring his team mates, but Sam's target had been able to arm his bomb which was counting down to detonation. As he was telling Callen he needed two hands to diffuse the bomb, Ehsan said he could help. He held the deadman switch while Sam diffused the bomb. Deeks was still waiting for Sam to come and diffuse the second bomb he was keeping from exploding as he lay there by the dead woman. Laying there brought back additional memories of his first go-around as Sven.

~,~,~

_He had been tasked with going under cover at a gay bar that catered to a more flamboyant gay clientele. He couldn't just walk in as some random, uptight, gay man looking to score. He had to make himself noticeable and outrageous enough to catch the eye of the person or persons who were targeting young gay men and beating them. Each time the group found another target they escalated the violence against the victim. The last victim had ended up in the hospital in critical condition. The fear was that the next victim might end up dead which was why Deeks got the assignment. So far, none of the victims could, or would, identify their assailant or assailants. _

_As usual, he was going undercover with very little backup. LAPD didn't have the same resources as OSP did, but at that time, it was all he knew and he was used to it._

The bombs were secured and the naturalization ceremony went on. The team headed back to OSP.


	2. Chapter 2:Who The Hell is Sven?

I've been home sick so decided to post this chapter a day early for you. Didn't win the lottery and still don't own NCIS Los Angeles. As usual, thoughts or memories are in italics.

Anything in bold letters are actual quotes from the NCIS LA episode Allegiance.

Enjoy.

~,~,~

Sometime later, the team met up at the boat shed. It was there that Ehsan found out Hetty had not only arranged for him to become a citizen then and there but also had started the process to get his mother and sisters into the U.S. Once he had taken his citizenship oath, Sam, Callen and Deeks returned to the Mission to write up their after-action reports. As Deeks was writing up his two reports, one for Hetty and one for LAPD, thoughts of Sven kept intruding and the darker his mood became.

_Knowing he would need some help to come up with a viable alias, he had called Brian up and asked him to meet him to help him develop the alias he would require for the undercover job that was beginning soon. As usual Brian had asked no questions other than where and when to meet…_

"Deeks, you still with us? " Sam asked bringing Deeks out of his thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm here, I was just remembering the first time I used the Sven alias." he replied.

"How the hell did you come up with the alias Sven, anyway" Sam asked in a disgruntled tone of voice. "And don't tell me it's because your buddy was gay. There's got to be more than that to it."

"Wouldn't you like to know" Deeks snarled.

"Well, I'm asking you aren't I?"

"Maybe I don't want you to know all my secrets Sam. Did you ever think of that?" Deeks responded sharply as he put his head down and finished his reports. The minute he was finished, he turned around and without looking at anyone stalked out of the Mission.

Callen and Sam looked at each other. "What just happened Sam" Callen questioned.

"I don't know, he was fine earlier but his mood seemed to deteriorate once I asked him about his Sven alias. He hasn't reacted like that since Siderov. He looked like whatever he was remembering was bad." Sam told Callen.

"Did anything unusual happen today" Callen questioned.

"No, nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, he seemed to have great fun ribbing me in his Sven persona. I didn't know whether to laugh along with him or wring his neck. He was outrageous!"

"Yes he was. I was having fun listening in, but well, something's going on with him now and I don't like it." Callen went to Hetty's office. "Hetty do you know anything about the alias Deeks used today?"

"Why do you ask, Mr. Callen?" Hetty gave him a curious look.

"I'm asking because Deeks just left here in a piss-poor mood and I want to know why. I'm worried about him. We all know he's missing Kensi and it hasn't been that long since Siderov. I don't want to see him going off the rails again." he replied.

"Why would you think he would 'go off the rails' as you so quaintly put it?

"Come on Hetty, you know what I mean. Do you know anything or not?" he was getting rather upset with his tiny boss.

"I think if you want to know what is going on with Mr. Deeks you should ask him. It is his right to either tell you or not."

"Fine!" Callen threw over his shoulder as he headed toward the exit. He decided he was going to find Deeks and get him to talk to him one way or another. Sam gave Callen a look that indicated he would go with him if he needed him as backup but Callen shook his head. "I'll call you if I need you to come."

~,~,~

Deeks had left the mission without fully realizing how dark his mood was becoming. He went home, fed Monty, took him for a walk and then sprawled out on his couch. The longer he lay there, the darker his mood became and he realized he was heading down a very dark road. A road he had promised Brian he wouldn't travel. He felt the need to run and decided to go to his favorite beach to see if he could get his head straight. He drove to the beach, ran for a while and then found a spot to sit. He had his arms around his knees staring at the waves and the sun slowly lowering into the sea. He loved this time of day, but right now it wasn't doing anything to lighten his mood. He began remembering additional details about using the Sven alias.

_When he met with Brian, he started laying out the scope of the undercover assignment and what he had to do. He had determined his alias had to be gay and somewhat outrageous to draw out the suspected perpetrators. He knew Brian could help him get into character and would also be willing to be an extra pair of eyes on him while he was undercover just in case things went sideways. "Brian, don't take this the wrong way, but I need to know how to play a convincing 'fairy'."_

"_Marty, I've known you for years, I know you wouldn't use that term in a pejorative manner." Brian responded. "Besides, you know I'd kick your ass if you tried, my man!"_

"_Yeah you would Brian. I can always count on you to keep me on the straight but not narrow path!" _

"_That't right. You are straight but you're not narrow bro. Give me all the details on what's going on and just how far out there you have to be. When I'm through with you, my brother, you'll be able to channel a fantastic gay man!"_

_Marty had laid everything out for Brian. "I have to go undercover at Pantaloons as a gay man. I need to make myself very noticeable and somewhat outrageous but not too far out there. We've had some hate crimes occur outside of the bar and we think the perpetrators are picking the victims from the club's clientele. With every attack it's getting worse and if we don't stop it someone is going to die sooner or later."_

"_God I hate bigots. What's so wrong with live and let live huh? There's not enough love in this world as it is but there is more than enough hate isn't there." Brian responded._

"_I don't understand it either Brian…I've never understood it and so matter how hard I try I know I never will…as if I even wanted to/to."_

"_Back to the case then…Since these guys are getting worse each and every time, and knowing just how little back-up you'll have available from LAPD, you want someone who can handle themselves close by, just in case; am I right?" _

"_Yup. I figure since you're former special ops and you're even taller and heavier than me, you fit the bill. Marty snarked. "Will you do it?"_

"_I owe you big time. Of course I'll do it." Brian responded. "I told you that when you rescued my sister when she was almost raped while I was on deployment. Anytime you need me man, I'll be there. You're family."_

Marty continued remembering…_He and Brian had discussed what he would need to do to be convincing as a gay man. They then began to construct the alias which became Sven Gunderson. Sven was a rather flamboyant gay man but with one with very good taste. He was a lawyer to the stars since Marty was in fact, a lawyer, who just liked to visit the 'wild' side from time to time. Matt helped him with his walk and his overall attitude so he would be able to project an air of sensuality that would appear completely natural to other gay men._

_Once the undercover operation was set up and all the players were situated, Marty was feeling pretty confident about his backup. Members of LAPD would be present in the bar in various capacities, one as the bartender, one the bouncer and one bar maid. LAPD stationed an officer as a valet, but he would be at the front of the lot where people dropped their cars off. He and Brian decided it would be best if Brian covered the back parking lot. With Brian in the back and the officer at the front, it would give Marty backup inside and outside of the club if needed._

_The night the undercover operation began, Marty decided to enter the bar in a pair of slate gray slacks that were snug but not skin tight along with a white button down shirt and a sky blue sweater he would wear over his shoulders. Black loafers completed his look. Brian had shown him how to walk to be just a little bit 'swish' and how to talk to project the 'come hither, I'm looking for some fun' vibe._

_Upon entering Pantaloon's, Sven caught everyone's eyes. Quite a few admiring looks came his way as he sauntered up to the bar practically oozing sex appeal and ordered a drink then turned around and leaned against the bar looking out over the interior of the club. He could tell he had made a good impression. Over the next half hour, he sipped his drink and then requested another while he watched as several people seemed to be trying to get up the nerve to talk to him. He made sure that he didn't single out any one person, but flirted with everyone who looked at him._

_Eventually, a man about Marty's height and build came up to him and engaged him in small talk. Marty introduced himself as Sven and asked questions of the man who said his name was Quentin, "But please call me Quen." He played Sven to perfection and regaled Quen with stories of various clients keeping personal details out of it but with enough of the more salacious bits included to get Quen laughing. Quen said he was a stockbroker and came back with stories about people hitting it rich or losing everything playing the stock market and some of the more outrageous requests he would get from clients. After several hours of talking, Quen asked Sven back to his place._

"_Never on the first date Quen" Marty remembered replying to Quen watching a quick look of disappointment and maybe anger flash across his face. "Do you come here often? This is the first time I've been here, but I've been hearing about Pantaloon's for a while now and wanted to check it out."_

_Quen said "I've come here a time or two. Are you sure you don't want to come home with me?"_

"_Not tonight, but you can walk me to my car and we can discuss a future get-together" Sven suggested. "Here's my number. I do like you so I'm sure we'll see much more of each other." Marty had a feeling that 'Quen' might be one of the perpetrators, but he hadn't been able to pick anyone else out that might be involved so wasn't too worried about anything happening that night. He figured either Quen was checking him out for a future attack after they made arrangements to meet at the club again, or he would follow him after leaving the club and then come back with his buddies at which time the attack, if Quen was involved, would most likely occur. _

_They had walked out of the bar and after Marty picked up his keys and the 'location' of his car from the valet, they continued toward the back parking lot. He knew that Brian was close by if he needed him, but before they got all the way to the back, Marty began to feel the hair on the back of his neck start to stand up. Before he could react, something heavy hit him on the back of the head and down he went. He struggled to remain conscious and get back to his feet but couldn't and realized there were three men surrounding him with looks of hatred on their faces. He had no idea where the other two men had come from. They hadn't been in the bar earlier. He was sure of that._

"_Brian!" he screamed just as the first kick landed in the middle of his back. The agony was unbelievable but he couldn't get away from it. He could hear taunts and jeers coming from all around him but all he could do was try to protect his head and ribs and wait for Brian and LAPD to get to him…_

A hand on the back of his neck brought him up from the sand swinging.

"Whoa, Deeks, it's me, Callen! I just came to see if you're okay." he said backing up from Deeks with his hands raised so he wouldn't get punched.

"I'm okay! What the hell are you doing here Callen?" Deeks growled. "Damn, I thought you were a mugger, man!"

"I called your name three times. You looked like you were in another world" came the reply. "You want to talk about what's got you in this frame of mind?"

All Callen heard back was a firm "No" from Deeks, so he just sat down on the sand and pulled Deeks back down beside him. "I brought beer. Want one?"

Giving Callen a confused look, Deeks replied "Sure, I guess".

They sat in the gathering darkness nursing their beers for a while. Callen figured if he was patient long enough Deeks might begin talking. Everyone worried when their very own liaison officer was this quiet. Several times Callen thought Deeks was going to start talking. He would take a deep breath and look at Callen and then just let the breath out and look away to the horizon again. When Deeks still hadn't said anything after about 15 minutes, Callen finally spoke "Deeks, you can tell me anything you want or need to" hoping it might break through his reluctance to talk. Something was clearly bothering him and Callen wanted to help him.

After a few more minutes of silence came a small voice from Deeks asking "Um, did you ever have an undercover assignment that haunted you for years afterward?"

Of all the things Callen expected Deeks to want to talk about, that wasn't one of them. He was totally surprised and paused to try to figure out what to say. Deeks took the silence in the worst possible way and spat out "Never mind, you wouldn't understand".

"Deeks, it's not what you think. Your question just brought back some memories for me. Yes, I've had things happen or things I've done undercover that have haunted me. Why do you ask?"

"Sorry man, it's just that…I don't know how to start…it's been years since I…since it happened…it wasn't that bad. I can't…I don't understand why it's affecting me so much today." Callen could hear frustration, sadness and what he thought might be a little bit of guilt in Deeks voice.

~,~,~


	3. Chapter 3: Memories of Brian

CHAPTER 3: Memories of Brian

~,~,~

After his initial words, Deeks couldn't figure out how to start telling Callen what was going on, so he just continued to sit there. Every so often, he would begin to speak and then stop and sigh. Finally after about the fifth try, he began.

"I had a buddy named Brian who was gay. My definition of a true hero. An Army Ranger, he went through three tours of duty in Afghanistan and other middle East locations I never knew about without getting a scratch. He was a big man, 6 foot 4 inches, 240 pounds of long lean muscle. He felt he owed me for helping out his sister during one of his tours. I kept trying to tell him it was my duty as a police officer but he wouldn't hear it. He said what I had done made me his friend and once you were his friend, it's for life. It was…he made me part of his family. I was assigned to go undercover to stop some hate crimes involving gay men. I…he helped me come up with the alias Sven…" Deeks sighed again and just sat there.

"He sounds like someone I would like" Callen told him. "Why haven't you ever mentioned him?"

"He died…it was my fault…everyone says it wasn't…hell even he gave me grief for taking on the guilt, but I can't help but think if he hadn't helped me, he would still be alive. I guess everything that happened today just brought it all back up." Deeks was pulled back down into his memories.

_He lay there taking the beating of his life while trying to stay alert enough to burn the faces of the men around him into his memory. He couldn't understand how everything had fallen apart so quickly. He knew he had to make it through this so no one else would become a victim. He kept hearing the things they were screaming at him "Fucking fag!" and " Fairy!" and "God hates fags"; the usual epithets thrown around gay people. After several more kicks to the back that brought additional waves of agony, and one final one to the head that left him dazed and unable to do anything, he could feel them begin to cut his shirt off his back. He felt the knife or whatever they were using pierce his skin in various places and could feel his warm blood dripping onto the pavement. They then picked him up to get rid of the shirt then threw him back down onto his stomach and began cutting his slacks off. Thank God he never had to endure what they clearly had planned to do to him next. All he remembered was a sudden whirlwind of kicks and punches from Brian to the men surrounding him and then sirens and cops. _

_Brian knelt down beside him and carefully turned him over. "God Marty, are you okay? I heard you scream, called the backup team and came running as fast as I could. Man, I'm so sorry I didn't get here faster!…You're going to be okay, it doesn't look too bad…Marty...answer me, Marty...look at me, come on stay awake…Marty!" Brian begged._

_As hard as he tried, he couldn't clear his head enough to answer Brian and he couldn't keep his eyes open. The words all blended together into white noise that overwhelmed him as he lost his fight to stay conscious._

Bringing himself back out of the memories, he murmured "He saved my life. I wouldn't be here today if he hadn't been there"

Callen was stunned at the emotion in Deeks voice. He couldn't think of anything to say to reassure him at this point so simply laid his hand on the back of his neck to let him know he wasn't alone. He didn't want to do anything to stop the words slowly coming from Deeks. He could tell he needed to get the words out to finally find some peace. After more time passed with nothing else being said, he quietly stated "You've never told anyone about this, have you."

"No, not all of it. Only what I was required to for the reports and the ordered psych consult before I was allowed to return to duty." Deeks whispered.

"Why?"

"No one needed the complete story. All LAPD wanted were the facts and I gave them that. "The doctors just wanted to know I was coping and able to go back to work and I was. They didn't need to know every thought in my head during the attack."

Callen shook his head knowing exactly what Deeks meant. "How badly were you injured?" Callen had never read anything about the undercover operation Deeks was describing. He was surprised it wasn't listed in the paperwork Hetty had compiled on their liaison officer.

"Three cracked ribs and two broken ones, bruised kidneys, spinal bruising, various cuts and contusions and a grade 3 concussion." came the quiet reply. "I was unconscious for about 6 hours. I was in ICU for several days and the hospital for about two weeks before I…before I could even walk. You see I had to wait for the swelling in my spine to go down. I spent a total of three weeks in the hospital before they would release me. And then it was to a Rehab center for rehab…lots of rehab. I was off work for four months."

"God Deeks! Only you would say 'it wasn't that bad' for major injuries like that" Callen marveled. "For crying out loud, you complain about a paper cut but not being able to walk for two weeks is 'not that bad'?! You are something else."

"Paper cuts hurt…and it was only one time" Deeks snorted. "I have to keep up my reputation as delicate you know. You guys wouldn't know how to handle me otherwise" he tried to joke but Callen could tell by the look in his eyes, it was only on the surface. As he sat there, the memories came back with a vengeance.

_Waking up in the hospital, Marty tried to take in his surroundings. It was difficult. He felt like there was an entire marching band playing in his head. He tried and failed several times to focus his vision but then was finally able to see Brian sitting in the chair next to his bed with his eyes closed. "Wh…what happened to me?" he whispered. Brian snapped his eyes open and grabbed Marty's hand and something on the bed "Hey, are you finally back with me man?" he asked as he pushed the call button to summon the nurse and doctor._

"_I'm in the hospital?"_

"_Yes you are." answered the doctor as he came into the room. "You're a very lucky man. Can you tell me your name?"_

"_Marty Deeks. The President is Bush. I live in Los Angeles. I'm a cop. Any more questions you need answered?" with a ghost of a smile he gave the doctor the answer to his first question and the other ones he knew would come next._

"_I see you've been through this before. By the way my name is Dr. Greaves. I'm your attending while you're with us."_

"_When can I go home?" came the reply. Marty hated hospitals. He had ever since he was a child._

_The doctor replied "You're going to be with us for a while. Do you feel up to hearing what's wrong with you or would you like to rest more first?"_

"_Just tell me. I feel like I was run over by a bus."_

"_Okay, but I don't want you to get upset. What I'm about to tell you sounds worse than it is. Hold onto that thought until I'm done." The doctor began reciting Marty's injuries. "You have numerous cuts to your back and legs, but they should heal with minimal scarring. You have a grade 3 concussion and were unconscious for approximately 6 hours so you may experience headaches and dizziness. These will dissipate in time. We performed a CT scan and you checked out okay as far as your head is concerned. You have bruised kidneys with a minor amount of blood in your urine. I'm prescribing bed rest for that and your other injuries. You have two broken ribs and three cracked ribs that will heal on their own. The most serious injury you have is bruising to your spinal cord."_

"_What!" Marty looked panicked. "Am I going to be paralyzed?"_

_~,~,~_

Marty came back to himself and whispered "When I first heard the words 'bruising to your spinal cord' I almost freaked out because I thought I was paralyzed. Brian kept me from panicking in the hospital."

Callen kept quiet and let Deeks set the pace. He sank back into more memories.

"_Let me finish Mr. Deeks. The spinal injury is to your lower back and is causing swelling. We're prescribing a corticosteroid to help reduce it. You'll be here in ICU for at least one day, maybe more, while we continue monitoring your condition. Tell me if you can feel this" the doctor continued as he ran his pen along the bottom of Marty's feet one at a time._

"_It feels kind of numb but tingly at the same time" Marty said each time the doctor looked up at him in question._

"_This is very good news. I'm confident that you'll regain full function in your legs within the next two weeks. You will have to go through rehab to get your strength back and get on your feet but all the signs are excellent. I want you to get some rest and I'll talk to you later." The doctor motioned for Brian to follow him out of the room while the nurse starting fussing around Marty._

Deeks again resurfaced from his memories and giving a sideways glance to Callen, continued "Brian was with me through everything it took to get back on my feet and back to work. He or one of his sisters were there every day I was in the hospital. He was there to bully me about my therapy whenever I felt like giving up. He was there to listen whenever my fears got the better of me. I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't been there. His whole family was there supporting me. I couldn't understand why they would do that for me. I never really had any kind of support system before, so it was difficult for me to wrap my head around it sometimes. He used to get so mad at me and would call me names like numbskull, dumbass; anything he needed to or could think of to keep me going."

Callen placed his hand back on Deeks neck and replied "And now you have us. You do know that we have your back and that you're part of our family, right? I know we tease you about being a lousy liaison, your fluffy hair, delicate skin, and being a cop, but we do realize just how good you are. I've never seen anyone as good as you when it comes to dreaming up aliases on the fly or going undercover as quickly and convincingly as you do."

Deeks gave him an incredulous look saying "Seriously? Who are you, and what did you do to Callen?"

"Shut it Deeks, or I'll tell Kensi you've been reading her memoirs again" threatened Callen. He was relieved when he saw a small smirk grace Deeks' face. He offered another beer and waited for Deeks to continue. He knew he still had a lot of things he needed to get off his chest.

As the last light disappeared and the stars began to shine over the ocean, more memories came to Deeks.

_The nurse fussing over him was a good looking woman. She tried to flirt a little bit with him, but he was in no shape to pick up on it. He lay in the hospital bed trying to digest everything the doctor told him without freaking out. It didn't help that the marching band performing in his head was getting louder and louder. All he wanted to do was sleep, but he knew it would be illusive at best and possibly filled with nightmares he didn't need to relive at worst._

_By the time the nurse finished with him, Brian was coming back into the room. As soon as she left, he asked him what else the doctor had said. "Don't worry about it Marty. I'm taking care of things. You just try to sleep, I'm going to be here all night."_

"_You don't need to do that Brian. I'll be fine by myself. I'm used to it."_

"_God Marty, why do you always do that!" Brian was getting angry. "I'm doing this because you're my friend, you're more like family than a friend to be honest, and I'm not leaving you alone tonight. You just had the shit beat out of you! Just accept my help before I put you out of your misery, you numbskull!"_

"_Okay, okay" Marty murmured sliding done in the bed and trying to get comfortable. "Did they get the perps?"_

"_Yes, they got the perps. Just close your eyes and sleep for now Marty. We'll talk more about it tomorrow" Brian whispered as Marty lost the fight to stay awake._

_Over the course of the night, Marty had been woken by the staff every two hours for the neuro checks. Every time the nurses woke him, Brian was there watching over him as well. It gave him a feeling of comfort he'd never experienced before._

_~,~,~_


	4. Chapter 4: Trial and Aftermath

I still don't own NCIS Los Angeles, but my minions and I keep hoping. I still don't have a beta so all errors are mine and mine alone. As usual, thoughts or memories are in italics.

Enjoy.

_~,~,~_

CHAPTER 4: Trial and Aftermath

Callen's soft words "What happened to Brian" brought Marty back to the beach with a start.

"Like I mentioned, he was there the entire time it took me to get back to work but it didn't stop there. Since I was family, we saw each other on a regular basis. We'd either get together over beers after work, or there were family dinners I was included in. It was the first time I'd ever really had 'family' and I cherished it.

"About a month after I was back to work…um…that would make it about eight months after the first assault and five months after mine, the trial of the attackers began. It was tried as a hate crime. When it was finally over, all of the defendants were found guilty. The evidence the police had from the previous assaults, along with the information I was able to provide, helped get several of the previous victims to testify so I didn't have to. Being able to skip the trial meant I could continue working undercover. The other victims identified all three men and were great witnesses. It was almost an open and shut case. All three men were sentenced to 10 or more years in prison based on their previous records. Everyone thought that was the end of it." Deeks recited. "I went back to undercover work and Brian went back to his life. We stayed in contact as always with surfing, ball games, family get togethers, and whatnot."

"But that wasn't the end of it, was it?" Callen's quiet rejoinder brought tears to Deeks' eyes. He sat there looking out at the crashing waves for a long time trying to compose himself. He didn't want Callen to see him cry so he tried to surreptitiously wipe away the few tears that fell. It took a while before he composed himself enough to be able to look at Callen again. Callen knew Deeks had become emotional but decided to pretend he didn't notice so he wouldn't be embarrassed. He didn't want Deeks to shut down on him. He waited patiently for him to get himself together because he could tell the younger man was coming to the worst part of his memories.

"No, it wasn't." Marty whispered. "One of the defendants, a man named Ronald Parker, had an older brother, Richard. No one thought it was a problem. He hadn't caused any kind of a commotion after his brother's arrest or during the trial. Brian had testified about what he saw when I was beaten up which helped convict the defendants. The defense attorneys submitted a motion to the judge to force my identification and participation in the trial but the motion was denied based on the fact that I was an undercover cop and my testimony wouldn't provide any new evidence against the defendants. Richard didn't seem to have a problem with that either from what I heard. He had been a model citizen throughout. There was nothing there to cause anyone to look at him closely.

"Anyway, about six months after Ronald was incarcerated he got into a fight in the prison yard and was shanked. He died in the infirmary. The only thing I can think of is that his death was the trigger for Richard. For some reason, his decided to blame me for his brother's death. I could never figure out why, you know. It was crazy. Turns out he fixated on finding and killing me but when he couldn't he turned his efforts to finding and killing Brian. He targeted him." Deeks continued explaining "Of course, none of us knew this at the time, it all came out afterward, but by then it was too late for Brian. He was killed by Richard as revenge against me."

Deeks grabbed another beer and drained half of it in one long pull. Then he hung his head and whispered "Brian's dead because of me; it's my fault, it was all because of me."

Callen was overwhelmed with how much guilt the man beside him was feeling and how much it resonated within him. He knew what it felt like to carry that type of load on his shoulders. He hated seeing Deeks struggling so much with the undeserved guilt. But he wasn't sure how to get him to let go of it. Both men continued sitting there, each lost in their own thoughts. Deeks' depression and guilt deepened as the memories continued to assault him.

_He had just finished a month long undercover assignment and was relaxing at home when he got the call about Brian. He felt like he had been punched in the gut when he heard that Brian had been involved in an explosion and wasn't expected to survive. Arriving at the hospital, he saw cops everywhere in the emergency room where Brian was being treated but didn't put two and two together. He was totally focused on getting to Brian. He rushed into the trauma room and almost lost it right then and there. It looked like Brian had third-degree burns over most of his body. He was barely conscious but saw Marty and weakly motioned him over to the bed. The doctors looked up and gave consent with their eyes for him to come closer while letting him know silently that Brian didn't have much time left. Brian's family was there as well, with his younger sister already in tears. He leaned over Brian's gurney to hear the words Brian whispered "Take care of our family, Marty. I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. Love you man."_

_Marty lay his hand on Brian's forehead and promised that he would do just that. "I love you too Brian." Seeing one of the cops motion to him, Marty told Brian he would be right back._

_The cop informed Marty that he was going to be put into protective custody due to the fact it appeared Brian had been targeted with a bomb because of the trial as a way to get to him. "What do you mean? Brian is dying because of me?" The cops were afraid that if the assailant, who they believed was Ronald's older brother, was anywhere near the hospital, he might have seen Marty arrive and could follow him when he left. They told him there was already an APB out for the man and they were confident he would be in custody shortly, but they weren't going to take any chances. _

Staring out at the black ocean in front of him he continued "I was devastated when I found out that it was all my fault. Richard had found out where Brian lived somehow and had staked his home out watching when Brian would come and go. He then decided to kill Brian by placing a bomb on his door step as revenge and to get back at me. I don't know how he found out that Brian and I were so close…but…umm…he must have been watching us for some time. Brian and his sister were walking up to the front door when he spotted the package. God they had just had a family lunch together…Anyway, Brian must have sensed or seen something…instinct took over and he was able to shove his sister out of the path of the bomb blast, but got the full force of the explosion himself. His sister had some minor cuts and scratches from being shoved aside, but Brian…man…Brian was a mess. He had burns everywhere…internal bleeding…broken bones…I don't know all the details…I never wanted to know. The doctors were amazed he made it to the hospital."

Callen put his arm across Deeks shoulders "You can't take this guilt on yourself. It was the bomber's fault not yours. He's the one to blame, not you. You know that."

"That's what Brian said…funny… you two think a lot alike."

"_Marty, don't take this load on yourself" It's not your fault, it's his. He's the one responsible for this, not you." Brian whispered once Marty had returned to his side. "Don't let him do this to you or there will be two victims here and I don't want to die knowing you're blaming yourself. I need to know you're safe and taking care of my family."_

"_I'll try Brian."_

"_Don't try, just do it. Promise me!" he was getting pissed._

"_I promise Brian, I promise. I'm going to miss you brother. You know what to say to me when I'm being a dumbass." Marty's voice had broken as he spoke those words and he couldn't continue._

_Brian understood. "I'm going to miss you too, but I'll be watching out for you. With your luck and the job you do, you need your own personal angel watching over you and I'll be applying for the job as soon as possible, you numbskull." he whispered as he tried to lighten the atmosphere around his bed._

"I…I promised him I wouldn't…but it's so hard not to, you know?"

"Deeks…why is it that when you were tortured by Siderov you didn't blame me or anyone else for it or for how long it took us to find you? Instead you insisted that it was all Siderov's doing and no one was to blame except for him…but then you turn around and take all of the guilt when something bad happens to someone you know."

Callen couldn't believe what he was hearing when Deeks whispered "Because it's what I'm good at."

Callen sat there thinking over everything Deeks had told him, trying to come up with something to help him. Something Deeks had said earlier was nagging at him, but he couldn't recall it. He felt like he was drowning in an ocean of thoughts that were tumbling over and over in his head while he was fighting to reach the surface with the ones he wanted. After what felt like an eternity, the relevant thoughts resurfaced _"…I don't understand why it's affecting me so much today." _and _"Brian had been targeted with a bomb…"_

Callen began voicing his thoughts "Deeks, maybe the reason all of this hit you so hard today is because you ended up holding a ticking bomb in your hands. It could have brought back thoughts of Brian and the feelings of guilt you had over his death. It hasn't been that long since you recovered from the torture. Then Hetty sent Kensi on that classified assignment which means you're missing your partner. You've worked with Nell and Granger as temporary partners. Hell you've even had to work with a civilian partner today and not only do your job but keep him safe, so you've already been under a lot of stress. Maybe this was the final straw."

"I'm not losing it Callen! I can do my job." Deeks snarled thinking Callen was going to tell him again that he didn't want him on the team.

"Whoa Deeks. That's not what I meant." Callen rushed to reassure him. "I just think it might be the reason you're sitting on this beach trying to get your head together and having trouble doing it. You once told me being at the beach and surfing is your way of dealing with the stress of what you do and see every day. You're here at the beach, but I bet you didn't surf today. In fact, have you surfed at all since Kensi was re-assigned?"

At Callen's words, Deeks turned his head and stared at him "Wait…what did you just say?" When Callen repeated himself, Deeks ran his hands through his hair giving the words serious thought. "Now you mention it, I haven't been surfing for about a week. There just hasn't been time." He continued mulling over Callen's words. "You think the bomb today was the trigger…really…can it be that simple?…damn…seriously?"

"Come on, just think about it. When you first thought to use the alias Sven, you had a huge smile on your face and a twinkle in your eyes. I could tell you were really going to enjoy yourself giving Sam a hard time. I saw you walk into the store and could tell by Sam's posture, he couldn't believe his eyes. And don't forget that accent. I heard you while you were in the store too, remember I was on coms. Don't tell Sam this, but you were really rocking the whole alias!…I could tell he didn't know what to do. I think he was trying to figure out if he was going to strangle you or burst out laughing when you started talking about him not being the "drab Danny" and "gray Gary" in Sven's accent. I was practically on the floor of the car laughing myself. It was priceless!" Callen started chuckling as he remembered earlier that day. "You didn't seem off your 'game' until after the bombing attempt."

"Yeah, that part was fun. I don't get to mess with the big guy much."

"You should have heard Sam when you left the mission this evening. He was really worried about you, hell we both were. I even went so far as to ask Hetty if she knew what was up with you, but you know our own little ninja. She didn't tell me anything, just kept answering my questions with ones of her own."

"Hetty doesn't know about this…at least I don't think she does…do you think…no, she couldn't…she would have said something earlier…but…Hetty always knows everything…Oh God, what if…" Deeks began babbling.

"Calm down Shaggy!" You're sounding like a babbling brook right now! Callen sat there laughing at the look on Deeks face as he realized what Callen had compared him to and started pouting.

"Oh my God, you do pout! Kensi was right."

"I don't pout, Callen, this is what I look like when I'm thinking." Deeks sputtered.

"Does it hurt? Cause it looks like it hurts" Callen was laughing.

"Ha…ha…ha…funny guy. Got any more witty remarks?"

"No and I think we've finished the beers. Do you want to grab some takeout and go to my place?"

"You're inviting me to your home? Why?" Deeks had never been in Callen's home. He thought it was off limits to everyone but Sam.

"Because I think it's about time I to get to know you better outside the job. We could play some chess…you do play chess don't you?" At Deeks' nod he continued "And maybe I could come surfing with you. I haven't surfed in forever and could probably use some pointers."

"Oh…okay… um…that would be good." Deeks was beginning to babble once again but was able to stop before Callen began teasing him. "And yes I play chess. I play a really mean game of chess. I'll probably beat the pants off you!

"You're on surfer boy! Want to make a small wager on who will win? Callen pulled Deeks to his feet and they left the beach after throwing the beer bottles in the trash. "What do you feel like eating?"

~,~,~


	5. Chapter 5: Getting to Know Each Other

Do I own them…nope…bugger! I still don't have a beta so all errors are mine and mine alone. As usual, thoughts or memories are in italics. This is the last chapter. I've had a lot of fun writing this one.

Anything in bold letters are actual quotes from the NCIS LA episode **Allegiance**.

Enjoy.

~,~,~

CHAPTER 5: Getting to Know Each Other

Deeks wasn't sure what to expect when they reached Callen's after picking up some burgers and more beer. He looked around in confusion when he reached the living room and found it empty of anything other than one easy chair, a lamp, table and a small box sitting on the mantle of the fireplace. "You have something against furniture?" he asked.

"No…I just haven't taken the time to get any. Besides, what I have is enough for my needs."

"I believe you talked about playing chess. Just where were you planning on setting up the board, on the floor?" Deeks smirked at him.

"Wise ass!" came the rejoinder. "Are you too old to sit on the floor to play?"

"Not me…you on the other hand may have some trouble when you try to get up later. Put your money where your mouth is and set up the board. I'm planning on wiping the floor with you…literally."

"Let's eat first" Callen suggested.

"Nah, we can eat while we play." Deeks got another beer and sat down on the floor while Callen went to get the chess set. He came back and set it up in front of the fireplace. Both men grabbed their burgers and sat down to begin the game. Callen saw Deeks finish the first beer and get another. Callen motioned for his keys causing Deeks to look at him in confusion.

"I don't want you driving after drinking any more beer. You can bunk here tonight. I actually have a bed in the bedroom."

"Where are you going to sleep then?"

"I don't sleep much, but when I do I usually stretch out right here. I have a bedroll I use." Callen was hoping that Deeks would become more talkative the more he drank. Thinking back he remembered he had never seen Deeks drink more than a single beer or shot of whiskey on team nights out. In fact he was usually drank coffee and was the designated driver. However, he also wanted to learn more about him and figured this might be the easiest way. Deeks was a closed book in many ways and protected himself by using his humor as a mask to keep others from getting too close. Maybe the application of more alcohol would loosen his tongue a little.

"Why don't you sleep much?" Deeks wished he could sleep less sometimes; especially when the nightmares came.

"Insomnia. I take cat naps. If I get four hours total a night, I'm good. Callen made the first move in the chess game and gave Deeks a look of challenge. Both men were quiet as the game progressed. They each concentrated on their moves, eating their burgers in between. Callen had one more beer while Deeks had several. Callen got the impression he didn't even realize how much he was drinking, he was concentrating on the game so intently. He had to admit to himself that Deeks was a great chess player. They played three games with the first two draws and Callen barely winning the last game.

"I'm done man" Deeks yawned. "I think I'm going to take you up on the offer of your bed for the night. I'm wasted."

"Let me show you where everything is" Callen replied getting up and giving him the 5-cent tour. "See you in the morning. Maybe we can hit the beach before work and you can give me a quick refresher on surfing."

~,~,~

Callen had slept for about an hour after putting everything away before he woke up the first time. He lay in his bedroll thinking over what Deeks had told him about his friend. He could tell that it had helped and he was somewhat surprised to find he was actually looking forward to surfing with him. The second time he woke up, 30 minutes later, it was because he heard something from the bedroom. He listened and realized that Deeks was mumbling in his sleep. Thinking that he might be getting sick from all the beer he had consumed, Callen padded down the hall to the bedroom door to look in on the younger man. As he got closer to the room, he could make out some words that chilled him right down to his soul. Deeks was crying softly and mumbling "I'm sorry Daddy, I didn't mean for it to break. I'll be good. Don't pp…put me in the cl…closet, please." He sounded like he was four years old. Callen was horrified. Then he heard soft screams and cries of "Owie, owie, it hurts Daddy, I'll be good, Daddy, don't hit me any more." and then soft crying.

Callen didn't know whether to go in and wake Deeks up or just go back to his bedroll and give Deeks his privacy. As he was deciding to return to the living room, a blood curdling scream came from Deeks and Callen could hear him thrashing around in the bed. He burst into the room and reaching his side began speaking in a calm voice "Deeks, it's Callen. You're having a nightmare. You're safe. Come on, wake up."

Deeks jerked awake and was off the bed and cowering in the corner before he realized where he was or what was going on. As he become more aware a look of horror crossed his features. "Just a nightmare. It was just a nightmare." he murmured to himself. Seeing Callen standing in the room, he began to blush. "How long have you been here?"

"I heard you and came to see what was going on. What to talk about it?"

"Not really, it's bad enough I dream about it. I get nightmares if I drink too much…I guess I drank more than I thought."

"That sounded like more than a simple nightmare" Callen hesitantly stated.

"What…was I talking in my sleep…what did you hear?" Deeks was fearful of what he might have said while in the throes of the nightmare.

Callen looked at him in thought. "Are you sure you want me to tell you? We can forget it happened if you don't want to talk about it." He didn't know whether to push Deeks into talking more about the nightmare or let it drop. His instinct was to push because he thought it would help, but he knew if it was Sam pushing him, he'd get angry and tell him to back off. He was beginning to realize that Deeks was like him in a lot a ways. They both had demons they tried hard to never acknowledge let alone talk to anyone about. "If you change your mind, I'm willing to listen. I won't judge you and it won't change the way I look at you." he finally stated.

Deeks looked at him in disbelief. "Really?...just how do you see me?" he asked hesitantly as if he didn't remember what Callen had said earlier in the evening and wasn't sure if he really want to hear the answer.

"I think you're a great cop. You'll be a great agent as soon as you sign the papers" Callen replied. "How did you think I saw you? I told you this at the beach. I also told you that I'm proud to have you on my team. I meant it then and I mean it now. As weird as this is coming from me, I think it might help if you talk about it. I'm just saying, earlier tonight talking about Brian seemed to help you, so maybe talking about your nightmare will help now"

Deeks was in a quandary. He didn't know if he could trust Callen with anything from his childhood. He never discussed it. Sure, he figured Hetty knew all about it, since she seemed to know everything, but actually telling Callen was completely different. He didn't want or need his pity or to be looked at as damaged or fragile.

Callen waited patiently while Deeks got his thoughts together. He could tell he was thinking about what he had said but was afraid to open up. He wondered again just what it was that had happened to him in his childhood that made him the man he was. He could be cocky and assured one minute and then, a look would cross his face when he thought no one was looking that made him appear as tentative and scared as a little boy. The look never lasted long and no one had ever mentioned it in Callen's presence so he assumed the others either hadn't noticed or hadn't felt like they could say anything.

When Deeks finally spoke, it wasn't what Callen was expecting and he was thrown for a loop. "What were the foster homes you were in like? Were they safe places?"

"Most were, a few weren't. I didn't last long in any of them, so if a place was one of the bad ones, I really acted out until I was moved again. I think that's why I sleep so little. I was always on guard in case the home I was in was one of the bad ones…if it was, I tried to watch out for the younger kids when I could" he replied.

Deeks whispered "You're lucky…luckier than you realize. I never had a safe place. Not for as long as I can remember."

To say Callen was shocked was an understatement "You want to expand on that sentence?" was all he could think to say in response.

Deeks looked deeply into Callen's eyes as if he was looking for reassurance that he could trust him. Real trust didn't come easy to Marty Deeks. His had been violated too many times for him to give it away easily or often. He used humor to protect himself and his long-held secrets. If he could deflect people with his snide remarks, babble, comments or foolishness, they wouldn't look too deeply into what type of person he really was. They would just see his mask and assume that was all there was to him, that he was just a shallow, California surfer who got by doing as little as possible. It was actually why he was so very good at undercover work. People underestimated him all the time. And since he had been hiding behind masks of one type or another his entire life, he could easily slip into and out of aliases such as Sven, John Dale Sully, Max Gentry or any of a myriad of others. Deciding to provide a small glimpse into his childhood, Deeks ventured with "You know I shot my father when I was 11, right?"

"I remember hearing about it when you were shot." Callen responded.

Looking away from Callen he continued "I had to. He…um…he was trying to kill my mom and me. It was the only thing I could do. I was so scared…but I knew if I didn't shoot him, he'd kill us both. He was so out of control that night…Ray had given me a gun because he knew I would need it some day. He was older than me but our home lives were similar. Turns out he was right.

"Gordon John Brandel was a mean drunk and since he was drunk all the time, he was always mean. I don't remember a single time when he wasn't screaming at me about being worthless, a brat, not worth feeding, a waste of everyone's time or a momma's boy who needed to be toughened up. His idea of toughening me up was beating me with anything he could get his hands on. If he couldn't find anything he would just use his fists."

"God Deeks…I…I don't know what to say."

Deeks whipped his head around and stared at Callen. He wasn't sure what he would see when he looked but he had to know. If Callen had looked at him with disgust or pity, he would have been devastated. He would probably have run out of that house, gone back to LAPD and quit being the NCIS liaison the next day because he would have been proven right about people not being trustworthy, again. But he didn't see any of that in Callen's eyes. He just saw concern. Heaving a sigh of relief he asked "You're not going to tell anyone what I said are you?"

"Hell no. What you just told me and anything else you want to talk about stays between us. I would never violate your trust like that. It's your story to tell…have you told Kensi any of this?"

"Not yet…I've wanted to…but I don't think she's ready to hear it…and…I don't know…I don't want her to think any differently about me."

Callen sighed "Deeks, you two were meant for each other. I can't understand why neither one of you will admit it! She's crazy about you. Everyone can tell. We even have bets going on how long it's going to take you two to get together."

"What makes you think we haven't already 'got together' as you so quaintly put it?" Deeks smirked.

"I was right!" Callen crowed. "I knew it! Sam owe's me $50. It was just before she was reassigned wasn't it. That's why you two were so awkward around each other during that op."

Deeks pleaded "Please don't tell Sam. I don't think Kensi wants anyone else to know officially just yet. And with her gone, I don't want to change anything. We're going to talk when she gets back. I'm hopeful because she did ask me to be patient with her and that we would work it out, but I don't want to jinx it."

"I won't, I promise. But you've got to promise me something in return."

Deeks wasn't sure he wanted to promise Callen anything but asked anyway "Okay what do you want me to promise?"

"When you two are finally ready to tell everyone, make sure Sam knows he owes me money would you? And do it when I'm around. I want to see the look on his face. It's going to be priceless!" Callen laughed.

"That I can do, with pleasure." Deeks laughed right along with Callen. "It's always nice when we can put one over on the big guy."

"You think you can sleep any more tonight?" Callen looked at Deeks and knew it would help if he could get some more shuteye but was okay either way. He had learned a lot about the him and hoped he had helped him get rid of some of his darker feelings that being Sven earlier that morning had brought back…well, yesterday morning he thought as he looked at the clock and noticed it was coming up on 3 am.

"Yeah…I think I can…thanks for listening…and…well…you know…being there for me. I've never had much of a support system and I guess I'm still getting used to it." Deeks was stumbling over his words while trying to convey just how much it had meant to him to have Callen with him over the last few hours. Thinking about it, he realized how much talking to Callen had helped him. He was feeling a lot lighter and even a little more like a full member of the team. That meant more to him than he could say.

"Go on, get back in bed…when you smell coffee, I expect to see your bright shiny face in my kitchen."

"Yes dad" quipped Deeks as he climbed back under the covers. Callen turned out the light and retreated to his own bedroll hoping to get at least another hour of sleep that night. If he could, it would be a good night for him.

~,~,~

Callen was up and puttering around by 6:15 am. He had been pleasantly surprised to find he had slept for a solid three hours after the talk with Deeks. It was a nice change for him. He got out two cups and spoons for their morning coffee, then got the grinder and beans. Once the coffee was started he took a quick shower in the guest bathroom and changed into work clothes. He didn't know if Deeks would want to arrive at the Mission together after surfing or not so wanted to be able to give him the option of taking his time getting ready at Callen's or return to his own apartment before going into work.

The coffee had just finished and Callen was pouring himself a cup when a bleary-eyed Deeks wandered into the kitchen. It looked he was still half asleep. Taking a quick glance at him Callen wondered why his hair looked like it always did. _"Didn't he just get out of bed? His hair can't look like that right out of bed can it?"_

Callen poured him a cup of coffee and handed it to him. Deeks proceeded to add milk and sugar to his cup and gave a low moan of pleasure with the first swallow. "You make a good cup of coffee."

"Thanks. Did you want to get ready for work here? You can if you want to."

"Nah, I need to take Monty for a walk and feed him. He's probably standing at the door now with his paws crossed waiting to do his business. He's really good about holding it, but I don't want him to wait longer than he has to." Deeks snickered. "Um…thanks for last night and this morning. It helped a lot. I'll take you up on your offer to go surfing with me another day, okay?"

"Glad to hear it. I'm going to head into OSP now. Just lock the door behind you when you leave. I'll see you at work later."

~,~,~

Sam surprised Callen by beating him to the Mission. He barely waited for Callen to sit down at his desk before starting to question him about Deeks. "Did you find him? Did he talk to you? What was bothering him?"

"Yes, yes and I told him I would keep it between us, Sam" came the response.

The two of them exchanged looks with Sam trying to figure out why Callen would have agreed with Deeks' request. After gazing at him for some time, Sam realized that Callen was respecting Deeks wishes and showing the younger man that he, Callen, could be trusted with whatever was said between them. "At least tell me if it helped."

"Yes it did. Anything else you want to know, you'll have to ask him Sam. It's his decision on how much he wants to share with you. Give him time and space, and you'll probably find out before too long. After all, you two have become a lot closer in the last few months."

Before Sam could reply, Hetty silently appeared behind him and commented "That's a very wise decision Mr. Callen. Our Mr. Deeks doesn't trust easily. Oh, and please respect his wishes Mr. Hanna."

"Yes Hetty" was all Sam could think to say.

~,~,~

EPILOGUE:

At exactly 9:27 am, Deeks came sauntering into the Mission and quipped "Right on time. Did you miss me big guy?"

"Why would I miss you Deeks. I've been enjoying the quiet." Sam responded with a twinkle in his eyes that Deeks could see.

"Because I'm fabulous Sam…and you need all the fashion help you can get. After all, you don't want to be a 'drab Danny' now do you" chuckled Deeks in Sven's accent.

"It's good to see you haven't lost your strange sense of humor Scruffy."

"Nope, I'm good. I had a good night's sleep…" glancing at Callen Deeks winked "and I even got in a little surfing this morning. That reminds me, do you surf Sam?"

No I don't surf and before you ask, I don't want to learn, especially from you."

"Now Sam, don't pout. It doesn't become you" Deeks was in rare form. All Sam could do was close his eyes and try to meditate.

Callen and Deeks shared a look and then Deeks added fuel to the fire by asking "Hey Callen, you want to come surfing with me some morning?"

"Sure, why not. I haven't been surfing in ages. How about tomorrow?"

Sam's eyes snapped open and he glared at Callen. "Since when do you surf? I've never even heard you talk about surfing."

"Maybe I'm trying to find a new hobby Sam. Kind of like your woodworking, but a lot more fun."

"Sand, sun, surf and beautiful woman. What more could you ask for Sam?" Deeks chimed in.

Sam just spluttered. Before he could think of something to say, Eric whistled from OPS. "We've got a case."

Sam grumbled under his breath as he lead the way up the stairs with Callen and Deeks lagging behind. Callen looked at Deeks, grinned and then they both high-fived.

Deeks was back and feeling great.

~,~,~

Fini

I hope you enjoyed the story and I did it justice. Review if you like. Any constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated.

Raderle


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